“You know we can’t tell anybody about this…” She said between deep kisses and heavy breathing. With my fingers exploring forbidden places, and breathing heavily myself, I agreed.
At nineteen years old, and rounding the bases with her faster than Ricky Henderson, she could have told me to swear off Fried Chicken, Myrtle Beach and The Tar Heels, and I would have agreed.
There were many reasons why getting involved with Kelly Nelson was a bad idea. I’m not going to go into detail, but any type of relationship (no matter what the type) that begins with “we can’t tell anybody” is never a good thing.
However, I decided I was tired of doing the right thing. I was tired of being the ‘Nice guy” everyone else had deemed me. It was time to do something and not worry about the ramifications. Turn my conscience off, and do what felt right in the moment.
There was so much more to my infatuation with Kelly than just her physical beauty. She had a wicked sense of humor, and the type of personality that made you take notice when she entered the room, and made you instantly miss her the moment she left.
She was supportive, kind, loving, sexy, and above all else fun.
She brought out aspects of my personality that not many people had seen. My humor became more risqué, I didn’t think twice about giving a smart aleck comeback to any of her playful putdowns and jokes, and she helped me learn to laugh not only at myself, but at life in general. I wasn’t quite as serious and anxious when I was around Kelly.
I suppose every couple has a song that they consider ‘their song’. The song that will always be associated with Kelly for me will be ‘Linger’ by the Cranberries.
We took off on a road trip one sunny afternoon to Goldsboro NC. She wanted to show me her hometown. I don’t remember a lot about the tour, but I do remember having fun during the drive.
It was on this road trip that we discussed some of our fears and things that had impacted our lives.
She told me about the time she saw someone get in a car wreck and watched the man get thrown from the vehicle and die instantly. It happened when she was younger, and how that image has stuck with her for her entire life.
I told her about how I got caught up in a current at the beach when I was a small child, and my parents didn’t see it happen. It was the first time in my life that I felt helpless and thought I was going to die. I have been scared of the water ever sense.
In the middle of this deep conversation, ‘Linger’ came on the radio. Somehow the talking ceased in the car, and we began to sing along.
‘You’ve got me wrapped around your finger…. Do you have to let it linger?’
In early December, I was asked to be the intermission entertainment for a Beauty Pageant the SGA from school was sponsoring. I gladly agreed. It had been some time since I had been on stage, and I was anxious to perform. In the back of my mind, I replayed my performance at the Senior Talent show in High School. I played a song for a girl that didn’t even attend. I was going to make sure the girl I wanted to play for that evening was going to be there.
I told Kelly about the show, and she seemed as excited as I was. I couldn’t wait to have her see me on stage. It would be a room full of people, but in my mind I was only singing to her. I chose three songs to perform.
‘In A Song’ by Jim Croce, ‘Friends in Low Places’(per request of the Director of Entertainment), and finally I was going to do the same song I performed at the SHS Senior Talent show ‘Anymore’ by Travis Tritt.
When the night finally came, I was nervous backstage. Kelly came backstage with her friend Stacey to wish me luck. Stacey (like everyone else) had no idea what was going on between me and Kelly, so we had to play it cool. They both gave me big hugs and told me to break a leg.
When the intermission finally came, I took the stage on a tiny stool behind a microphone they had set up for me. I opened with the Croce song and kept my eyes closed throughout the song.
The amount of people that was in the audience was a bit intimidating, and I wasn’t anticipating it. I followed the Croce song with the Garth classic, and had the entire audience clapping and singing along. Once I realized that the crowd was enjoying the music, I became more relaxed and opened my eyes.
I closed my set with ‘Anymore’.
The first line ‘I can’t hide the way I feel about you… Anymore’ seemed almost eerie and out of place.
The lyrics seemed odd to sing out loud, because I knew that Kelly didn’t want to hear me say such things. She didn’t want to hear me say that I was falling in love with her. She and I kept eye contact throughout the entire song. I began to think I made a mistake in choosing the song, and was afraid she might get upset.
While I was in the middle of the guitar solo in the song, almost to the third verse, someone sneezed VERY loudly. On a whim, while continuing to play, I said “Bless You”. The crowd broke out in laughter, and a lot of the tension and emotion from playing the song seemed to ease. I got a standing ovation from everyone in the crowd when my set was over.
Kelly met me in the parking lot of the auditorium when I was on my way out. She gave me a big hug and told me how great I sounded. She didn’t say anything about the last song choice, so I didn’t bring it up. We talked for a while as I got ready to go home to Laurinburg for the weekend. Thinking the moment was right, I went in to give her a kiss. She gave me an awkward look and reminded me that we couldn’t kiss in public. My heart sank for a minute as I realized how difficult this was going to be. She grabbed my hand and urged me into the front seat of my car. In the darkness of the near empty parking lot, we kissed.
I turned on the stereo, and my Cranberries CD was playing.
‘You’ve got me wrapped around your finger….’
I knew she didn’t want to hear it.
I knew I shouldn’t have felt it.
I knew that there was no hope for a happy ending to whatever we were doing and feeling at that time.
In my mind, at that moment, there was no doubt that I was falling in love with a girl that could not love me the same way.
‘Do you have to let it linger?’
Love Y’all
d
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